Thursday, March 1, 2018

A prayer for my lack of stewardship!

Father, please forgive me for not being a good steward over everything you have blessed and entrusted me with.  I have been irresponsible and tried to justify my actions by playing the victim but yet I have been irresponsible with what belongs to you.  You have allowed me to enjoy all things richly but nothing is ours.  You own everything; we're responsible for how we treat it and what we do with it.  I don't own any of this, I am a steward, which means I have a responsibility to care for it with the utmost care.  Please forgive me for not being a good steward over your riches.  I ask that you allow me a second chance.  Allow me the opportunity to be a good steward over all you give me charge of.  Allow me to show you the respect you deserve as you bless me with another opportunity.  Thank you for your forgiveness and the second chance.  I will honor you by being a good steward over everything in my care.  I will honor you by being a good steward over all resources, abilities and opportunities that you entrust me with.  I know that I will be called to give an account of how I have administered everything I have been given, including my time, money, abilities, information, wisdom, relationships, and authority.  You asked me to work at everything I do with all my heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, and I failed you.  I ask for your forgiveness and from this moment forward, I will be more diligent in my efforts to be a good steward over all you entrust me with. Thank you for restoring me and giving me a second chance.  Thank you for your forgiveness, grace and mercy.  I will work with the Holy Spirit to make better decisions and use wisdom and discernment.  It will be done! 

1 John 1:9 says that if we repent and confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive us.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
Romans 8:1 NIV

I thank you and praise you for restoration, forgiveness, grace and mercy.  In the name of Jesus Christ, AMEN!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Invisible

I just realized that I have spent so many years trying to hide and be invisible that I have become invisible. Things are being revealed to me about me and they are not easy to take. I'm facing the past which I have pushed under the rug for so long. I have realized that I'm deflecting my issues off on to my daughter which is detrimental to her growth. I have been hiding from a lack of confidence. I worry about what others think of me. I worry that if I stand out that my failures will be put on display and I won't be good enough. I don't know where I get this from but I have let it control me for far too long. I stay silent. I fade into the background. I retreat back to my hiding places. I NEED TO STOP AND STAND FRONT AND CENTER!!!

I'm tired of being overlooked...I'm tired of feeling inadequate...I'm tired of feeling unworthy...I'm tired of feeling insignificant...I'm just TIRED!!!!

What to do now?

PRAY...

(to be continued...)

Friday, June 24, 2011

Reconstruction of the Broken

Not sure where to begin...
For the past year and a half, I have been dealing with a spiritual battle. My heart has been very heavy and I have in essence walked away from God. I have no real excuses. I can't justify my actions. I can spew mess like:


  • Praying for my friends/family and their lives wore me out

  • Being there for everyone else and no one being there for me wore me out

  • Fighting to keep my marriage afloat all by myself wore me out

  • Juggling all my responsibilities alone wore me out

I could go on but I think that is enough. None of this excuses me from separating myself from God. But I did it. At first I felt rested. No spiritual battles, no endless tears, no tests, no nothing just peace and quiet. Then it got too quiet. I lost friends, I lost my marriage, I grew angry and bitter, and I have a hole in my heart that was once filled by God Himself. I mean, at one point, I was on FIRE! I was known as the "encourager". I would listen to the needs of my family and friends and then go BOLDLY to the throne of grace to ask God to intercede and meet their needs. But...who was praying for me? Who was there for me? I couldn't rely on my friends and family for support. You see, everyone thinks that because I am strong and independent and had this connection with God that I didn't need anyone. What people failed to understand was that I am just a woman. Nothing superhuman about me. Just a love for God and a love for the souls of others. By no means was I perfect but I did have a solid thing going with God for many years. It was something I was proud of and it yielded me much fruit. Now, there is a void. A void that can only be filled by God and His loving kindness.


Lately, I have been longing for His companionship. I have been desiring my relationship with Him again. Unfortunately, I am stumped on how to get it back. I mean, I know that all I have to do is call upon Him and He will answer but then the whispers from the enemy begin and they tell me that God will forgive me but I will have to answer for my time from Him and it won't be pretty. When I was rolling strong with God, fear wasn't in my vocabulary because the word tells me that God doesn't give us the spirit of fear. This is how I know that the enemy is using my weaknesses against me. I have been listening to his lies and it has paralyzed me terribly. I have been mean and evil towards those I love. I have been angry and taking my frustrations out on the world. I have been impossible to take lately (I can't even take being me). I need someone to be my champion. I need someone to love me and stand in the gap for me. Everyone wants something from me but no one wants to give to me. I don't want material things. I just want/need encouragement and support. I need someone to listen to me. I need someone to rest on when things get overwhelming. I need GOD!!!!! No man on this planet can give me what He can.


The challenge: I now need to overcome my fear of retaliation and go humbly to the throne of grace and ask for His forgiveness. Then I need to acknowledge who He is in my life and ask Him to help me from this point on. I'm broken and only He can fix me. I need to start today. I need to go to Him and get the ball rolling. I want to report back and say that I have started communing with the Heavenly Father. I need this burden lifted from my spirit. It feels like a weight is holding me down and I can't breathe. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to rise above my mess with God as my guide. I want to clean up my life and accept the fact that left to my own devices, I screw up everything. I am starting the reconstruction of Yulonda by writing this blog. Next step, talk to God. Next step, read His word.



Let's start there.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Be the Light!

God is so funny! He started the year off by gently letting me know what things I really need to work on this year. I am willing to share these with you so that when I am out of God's order, you can gently nudge me and get me back on track...

Forgiveness and letting God's light shine within me through my actions. I know that forgiveness falls within the latter but it deserves to stand on its own per God's request.

You see, I have this issue with someone at my church. Nothing I instigated by any means but something that was done to me (on more than one occasion) that was unacceptable. I have tried to keep my distance from the person but they keep being thrust in my face. Obviously there is a reason for this. God is teaching me something:-). After hearing from God, I realized that I need to be the bigger person and reveal that God does dwell within me so I am going to talk with her to clear the air and show her that God has taught me very well. Matthew 5:14-16 (The Message) says: "Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."

Well after reading that, I am reminded that I need to show the God in me versus the "sistah-girl" that wants to come out. She has her place just not in this situation:-). Now comes the forgiveness part. I have to keep God's word in mind at all times. That includes forgiveness. Matthew 5:23-24 (The Message) says: "This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God." I have to go to her to set things right. I have to forgive her for her actions and keep in mind that I have forgiven things far worse than this.

God wants to keep us on our toes. He wants us to remember that just because we have obeyed His commands before, doesn't mean we won't have to do it again. He wants us to show the world that He lives within us through our words and actions. Let's make Him proud. Let's do as we are commanded!

Let's have a wonderful New Year!!!!

Be blessed and know that I love you!!!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

How do you love difficult people?

God gave us a simple guide for behavior in Matthew 7:1-5 (The Message) which says: "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.” In this, I am able to see my faults. I am able to see that although I perceive myself as someone who shows love to everyone...I really don’t! Lately, when someone wrongs me, I feel the need to fight back and show no empathy for that person or what they could be dealing with behind the scenes. I am allowing the difficult people in my life to control my feelings which is causing me to disobey God’s command which clearly states: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35).

In spite of how I am treated, I am still obligated to show love because that is what God commanded of us and that is what He expects of us. I believe there is one God! But even the demons believe that – and shudder (James 7:19). This proves to me that I have to step up my game and be who God created me to be. I AM NO DEMON! So I will no longer put my focus on the actions of others, but I will look at myself and how I react to their actions. If my actions do not align with God’s word, then I need to change them. He lovingly tells us in Ephesians 4:2 to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

Dear Lord,

I sometimes come in contact with people who seem to be truly awful and hard to deal with. Help me see these difficult people as You see them. You created each of us in Your likeness with good qualities and a purpose for living. Let me look for the good in everyone and to find in each person their Christ-like traits. I pray, too, Lord, that these people find peace and happiness in their lives. Help me to accept and forgive others for their failing and to treat all people with the respect and love you expect.


Your word tells us in Matthew 7:7-8 to “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” Father, I am asking for your help and guidance dealing with difficult people. Help me see them through your eyes. I am asking for strength and understanding regarding their behaviors. Above all, am also asking for your forgiveness for my reaction to their actions and not showing them the love you show me and commanded me to show them. I am asking for you to intercede on my behalf. I am seeking counsel from you regarding the difficult people in my life and I am knocking on your door for grace and mercy. My situation is in your hands now, Father! Let your will be done and not my own!

In Jesus’ name I pray, AMEN.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

No Weapon Formed

Over the years, I have been the champion of building relationships. No matter where I am or who I'm with, it has rarely been an issue for me to find a connection. We spend majority of our adult lives at work, so it stands to reason that one would want positive relationships in that environment. I can recall an experience I had early in my career with a former boss who I just could not please no matter how many kudos I got from our business parnters. She was never satisfied. We would butt heads and it got so bad that I had to file EEO complaints against her. I was a believer of our Heavenly Father at the time but not actively worshiping Him, so I didn't rely on Him as I should have. I probably would have avoided so much drama if I had. But, I guess it had to happen that way to prepare me for today...


I now work in an environment where personal agendas are rampant and if you are in the way, you will get ran over! What started out as the best job I have ever had is turning into the worst!!! I am miserable!!! My heart is heavy with frustration and I have no peace. There are strained relationships and it seems as if there is nothing I can do about it. I caught myself reverting back to the days of my old boss. But God...


I decided to take my problem to God, the problem solver! It's funny, because I knew that God had the solution before I ever had the problem! I should have known that if I asked, He would lead me to scriptures that would give me perspective on my problem and all I have to do is expect a solution.

My problem is that I internalize things. I have been taking their actions personally not realizing that I am just a casualty in their fight to reach a desired level of success. I can't really say for sure if their actions are not personally directed towards me but I cannot let that be my focus. God's word tells me in Isaiah 54:17 [that] "No weapon formed against [me] shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against [me] in judgement You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servents of the Lord and their righteousness is from Me, says the Lord." If there is ever anything to internalize, it would need to be God's word! What a powerful message to me during this time. God just basically told me that there is nothing that they can do against me that will work. It will fail! They have made me so mad that I had to pray for them. Man cannot stand against God's word and succeed.

Then He led me to the book of James 3:13-18 which states: "13Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. 17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness."

I believe God put me in this situation to make me stronger. As we all know, there is a lesson in every trial and every trial has an end so this too shall pass. I believe it took this situation to get me back on my knees and give God what is due Him which is my undivided attention. I have to pray and leave this mess in God's hands. I trust Him because He promised that I could and we all know He does not lie. So now I can wait in expectation for God's resolution to manifest itself in the natural.

God put me here to connect with people. I may not always find that common ground with everyone I meet but I thank God for the opportunity and I praise Him for being bigger than my problems! The difference between yesterday and today is that I truly know where my help comes from. It comes from the Lord (Psalm 121:2)

Be blessed and know that I love you!





Who are you to judge?

It is so hard to keep my mouth shut sometimes! I am weak when I see someone else doing something I "would never do". I think about all the things I would do if it were me. Like parenting. Before I had Kennedy, I use to make all these judgments on mothers when I would see them doing something that I thought was wrong. Now we all know that there are common sense things parents should and shouldn't be doing. But before I had Kennedy, I had no clue (although I thought I did)! There is no handbook for parenting. There is no cookie-cutter way to parent. What works for one parent doesn't always work for others. I now get offended when someone tells me to do something with my child as if they think they know her better than me! It is a little insulting! I then think, "Who are you to judge me!" "Who are you to tell me what to do with my family when you are not in my shoes."

I had to check myself and remember that I too judged people before I walked in their shoes. I use to make comments about my friend and her children. If they did something that I thought was inappropriate I opened my mouth. When I had Kennedy and noticed that she was not as perfect as I had hoped she would be, I had to feel my way through being her mom. I am still feeling my way but I know her better than anyone else and it irritates me when someone else who doesn't know her like I do makes comments that are out of line. Interesting! I got to walk in my friend's shoes. I finally knew what it was like to be on the receiving end and it did not feel good. I knew what it was like to be judged the way I judged!

Well, one day I began reading the book of Matthew and came across this scripture (which obviously can be applied to any situation): Matthew 7:1-5 (The Message) says: "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor." I tell you, sometimes the word can really smack you in the face!

I have learned that there are two types of judgment: Condemning Judgment and Discerning Judgment.
Condemning Judgment
is self explanatory. It is when someone finds fault with everyone but themselves.
Discerning Judgment is a skill and a positive contribution based on good judgment and experience!
Some people don't see the distinction between discernment and condemnation. They think they are helping but ultimately they are hurting, especially when they have no true experience in the matter themselves!

Who was I to say something when I had not walked in my friend's shoes? Who am I to judge anyone? Based on God's word, I have no right! I am not the expert! I will leave judgment to God and continue to feel my way through life with God's help. My only advice is...BE CAREFUL! You think you know better than someone, but you don't! Your way is not always the best way for everyone! When you judge someone, you put yourself in the line of fire. Remember, you too will be judged so watch out!

Be blessed and know that I love you!!!